All Too Soon...

Cinderella by Stephen Curtis Chapman

"She spins and she sways
To whatever song plays
Without a care in the world
And I'm sitting here wearing
The weight of the world on my shoulders

It's been a long day
And there's still work to do
She's pulling at me
Saying "Dad, I need you

There's a ball at the [Pythian] castle
And I've been invited
And I need to practice my dancing
Oh, please, Daddy, please?"

So I will dance with Cinderella
While she is here in my arms
'Cause I know something the prince never knew
Oh, I will dance with Cinderella
I don't want to miss even one song
'Cause all too soon the clock will strike midnight
And she'll be gone...

She says he's a nice guy and I'd be impressed
She wants to know if I approve of the dress
She says, "Dad, the prom is just one week away [May 6th]
And I need to practice my dancing
Oh, please, Daddy, please?"

So I will dance with Cinderella
While she is here in my arms
'Cause I know something the prince never knew
Oh, I will dance with Cinderella
I don't want to miss even one song
'Cause all too soon the clock will strike midnight
And she'll be gone

She will be gone

Well, she came home today with a ring on her hand
Just glowing and telling us all they had planned
She says, "Dad, the wedding's still six months away
But I need to practice my dancing
Oh, please, Daddy, please?"

So I will dance with Cinderella
While she is here in my arms
'Cause I know something the prince never knew
Oh, I will dance with Cinderella
I don't want to miss even one song
'Cause all too soon the clock will strike midnight
And she'll be gone"

Lately, I am becoming a lot more emotional about upcoming dates, deadlines, and events. Tomorrow, I am going on a trip to Truman State with my friend Molly to hopefully decide on where I want to pursue my educational interests for the next four years. Saturday is my last STATE music contest. I have the privilege of performing in two different ensembles!

THEN IT'S MAY.

Oh, how quickly time is flying. With the following events, I also have to keep IB tests in mind:
Tuesday: FIRST IB TEST
               Scholarship Banquet :)
Thursday: IB Banquet
Friday: PROM 2011

That's all I feel like talking about.
Night :)

Far Away

"A part of you has grown in me. And so you see, it's you and me together forever and never apart, maybe in distance, but never in heart."

Tell me how I can go a year without seeing or talking to someone but upon conversing with them, it's as if nothing has changed. Tell me how they can live hours and hours away but I still feel as close to them as my best friends. It started with a text that read: "Be ready to skype at 6 pm on Tuesday night". This text was from my friend Sam Z. who lives in Colombia, Missouri. Six pm came and went. Around 6:15, I called Sam giving the illusion of patience. He finally called me via skype from his iPhone. Unfortunately, I could not see him. (Apparently, he could see me!) Little did I know that around 15 other people were listening to the conversation. 

As they took turns passing me around, they continuously made comments like, "it's great to see you", "I've missed you so much", and "cannot wait to see you again." I knew who these people were. They were my friends that I had met three years ago when I participated in a church event called Teens Encounter Christ (TEC). TEC is a three day youth conference that separates you from the pressures and stresses of the world and allows you to focus on yourself, your faith, and your relationship with God. This event changed my LIFE. Not only did I grow in faith, but I also enjoyed deep and intimate fellowship with other Christians.

My skype conversation lasted three hours and I never was short with words.

Some say, "absence makes the heart grow fonder". And although I may not believe that completely, there is something unique about long distance relationships. For example, my friend Clark from MSA is one of my best friends and he lives 3 hours away. Especially with today's technology, long distance relationships are really becoming popular. I believe these relationships are critical to your success as an individual.

Clark and I at his school dance this year


I believe that you are only as powerful and knowledgeable as your resources. Having these resources in many different places is an important component of your individual success.

Overall, thank goodness for skype. I would have never seen KURT text me or Sharon sing and dance, or Sam give me a butt shot. :)

I most certainly am in LOVE with my life!

The Lower Branch

The term "Family Tree" was coined for many different reasons. 

Not only do families share resources, strengths, weaknesses, and failures together, but families are also connected by the same life-giving blood. In my family, I've always been the lower branch. Not because I'm lower than any of my siblings or cousins, but because I am the youngest kid in the generation. And until five years ago, I was the youngest in the entire family! In these past 5-6 years, my family tree has been nourished, cut down, added to, and harvested. We have experienced tough losses that have made us stronger. We gained some wonderful spouses and babies that have added joy and variety to our tree. We have experienced difficult situations (especially with my grandparents). All of these things add to the strength of each individual branch, and strength to the tree as a whole.

As my graduation is just around the corner, I can't help but think about all the graduation ceremonies I have attended. In addition to that, I have attended basketball games, choir concerts, confirmations, homecomings, high school and college graduations. All of my life, I've been looking up to see the bigger branches with many leaves of color and variety. These branches have been a great model for such an underdeveloped and young branch. 

Being the youngest, however, also has some disadvantages. If you are the youngest, you'll understand this phrase which I hear so often: "that happened before you were born". Although it isn't an offensive phrase, it makes me think of all the good times my siblings and cousins had before I was born. You see, they are all within eight years of each other-with a cousin filling in almost every gap. I am five years younger than my brother. The times before I was born hardly effect me now. But, looking towards my high school graduation, I realize that a large majority of my family will not be there. The family that had attended all of my cousins' and siblings' events will not be there to experience my events.

My grandmother is in critical health condition after a stroke and heart attack. My grandpa is fighting stage four lymphoma cancer. My brother is in Turkey for a year (or two or three) teaching at the University of Ankara. My cousin Courtney and her husband live in California. My dad's mother is facing health issues that may prevent her from coming to my graduation. My dad's sister and family live near St. Louis and will not be able to make it. My cousin Kurt and his wife Arron live in Oklahoma City. My cousin Mallory and her husband Matt live in Arkansas. Even the cousins who live in town have lives of their own and jobs that require their full attention.

I feel selfish wanting my family to interrupt their lives to be with me on my special day but I also don't want to be a lone branch, separated from it's roots. I believe that in life, you are only as powerful and knowledgeable as your resources. For me, this is mainly through my family. I am blessed with the most amazing and supported family. I know God has put me in the position as the youngest for a reason. With my grandmother's condition, I have felt like the responsibility of taking care of and entertaining her is in my hands. I am the only one who is still unattached from job or spouse commitments. Despite the responsibilities of being the youngest, I wouldn't change my life at ALL. I am so very blessed to have the life I have. 

Sometimes I need to be reminded of Matthew 6:34:

"Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own."

 the newest branch on the tree :)

Alienated

Life changes quickly. 

On October 2nd, 2010, my grandmother had a stroke in the middle of the night. Unfortunately, all of our lives have been changed because of it. The grandmother I used to organize shoes and jewelry with is now constricted to watching television and eating meals. The grandmother who taught me how to sew, cook, and clean is now unable to do any of those. But as our family has accepted and adapted to these changes, our holidays have dramatically changed as well.

Today, upon visiting my grandmother, we faced the disappointment of the wheelchair accessible van breaking earlier this morning. This meant that my grandma, who had been planning on going home, would no longer get to spend Easter with our whole family. You see, my grandma is VERY attached to her belongings. I believe it has to do with the fact that she grew up during the Depression Era. My grandma is known among our family and even her community as having anything and everything that anyone could ever need or want. 

When she found out that she would not be able to go home today, she started listing off a few things that she wanted from home (along with their EXACT location-no joke). (That stroke has not affected her mind or memory at all!) She finally said, "I just feel so alienated from my home and stuff."

This quote really stuck in my mind as the day progressed. When we finally made it to my grandparents' home, I reminisced on good memories involving the kitchen, her closet, the piano, games, and the BASEMENT. 

But truthfully, I feel alienated many times in my life. I try and remember that this earth and life is just my "temporary home" (thank you Carrie Underwood). I have accepted that I don't always fit in. My faith alienates me from my closet friends at school. My academic failures differentiate me from the rigor of IB. Being the youngest by far alienates me from my siblings and parents.  These struggles prove that this life is not perfect. I am comforted in knowing that this is NOT my one shot at glory nor is it my eternal destination.

But more appropriately, Jesus must have felt extremely alienated on an earth of sin, death, sickness, strokes, cancer, decisions, and failure. Regardless of this, He lived, died, and lives again in our hearts and minds. It's easy for me to get depressed just thinking about all the sorrows in my life, in the lives of my friends, in the world and even in the lives of my enemies. Look at today. It was raining and storming ALL day. What could be a better example of how this world is filled with trials and tribulations that overcome me! Luckily, I have the hope and joy that Jesus has risen from the dead. He has overcome sin and sorrow and death and sickness. Daily, He helps me overcome sadness, strokes, pain, deadlines, assignments, and stresses. 

“These things I have spoken to you, so that in Me you may have peace. In the world you have tribulation, but take courage; I have overcome the world.” John 16:33

Happy Easter!